Ever have one of those days where you feel as if you just can’t seem to get a grip of yourself and are spiralling out of control for no particular reason? As if your soul has a puncture wound and your joy is steadily depleting?
This Wednesday was one of those days for me. I can’t quite pinpoint it but by the afternoon I felt physically, mentally and spiritually sapped.
I am reminded how, as kids, we would inflate a balloon and then let go of it and watch it fly haphazardly all over the room making that crazy sound until it would eventually collapse empty onto the floor. That’s kinda how I felt like when I had my little meltdown by the afternoon. Needlessly to say I felt even worse afterwards. It’s never a good idea to address a situation when you are in a negative mental state.
Let me start at the beginning… I had an awesome start to the morning, but as the day progressed and through various interactions and situations, my usually insurmountable Joy and unconditional peace began to wane considerably.
I certainly felt as if I had a leak in my soul as I tried to eliminate that horrible feeling that emanated from the pit of my stomach. There was no specific situation to be dealt with, just a huge sense of emptiness and a feeling of being depleted. What in the world was going on?
Feeling rather unsettled being unable to pinpoint the cause of this downward spiral, it began to dawn on me that this was not a physical, but rather a spiritual battle that I was encountering.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:12
I began to examine myself, mentally checking off my armour…
- Belt of Truth – check ✔
- Breastplate of righteousness – firmly in place ✔
- Shoes… mmm, it did kinda feel as if I’d been walking on thorns! And my lack of peace confirmed it!
…and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.
Ephesians 6;15
I needed my shoes to protect me on the spiritual battlefield. Let’s look for a moment at the shoes that Paul was writing about in the book of Ephesians…
The shoes of a Roman soldier were known as Caligae and were specially designed for battle. They were made of leather straps that worked their way up beyond the ankles and a sturdy sole, providing comfort and support whilst protecting the feet of the soldier on rough terrain. Additionally, the soles of these shoes had a distinctive feature, they were covered in hobnails which provided a secure grip over inclines and slippery ground. Wow, I could have certainly used a pair of these!
The gospel of peace… gospel meaning “good news“. What is the good news? The good news is Jesus and all that He accomplished for us, our salvation, the abundant life that we have through Him, His Righteousness and Grace, His Love and Peace… Jesus did so much more than just die for our sins, He lives to intercede for us so that we may walk in victory daily through Him.
We are meant to share the gospel but if we ourselves don’t have peace and are walking on thorns, what good is it to the people we are meant to be sharing with?
Jesus is the Prince of Peace. True peace can only be encountered in and through Him. Peace is something that we carry internally and can have irrespective of the external situations we may face. It is something that Jesus promises us, through the Holy Spirit.
I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.
John 16:33
If you read John 16, Jesus speaks to the disciples about the various trials that were to come, promising joy for their grief. He explains that He will be leaving them, but reassures that that it is good that He goes as He would be sending The Holy Spirit who would be with them and reveal all things through Him.
I can only imagine the mindset shift that had to take place for the disciples, learning to relate to the unseen rather than the seen. They walked physically with Jesus for years and then were given the Holy Spirit. Similarly, we have become so accustomed to relating to the physical that we sometimes struggle to relate to the spiritual.
It’s amazing that, as much as we say it repeatedly, it is so easy to forget that the battle is not physical but spiritual, making it so easy to miss the real enemy by focusing on the physical decoy. If we are not properly equipped, we become prone to the darts and the debris on the battlefield. I had allowed all of the negativity and heaviness of the day to seep into my spirit and soul and derail me as I was so focused on the physical situation, I forgot to embrace my spiritual armour.
James 4:7 says “resist the devil and he will flee“. The shoes of Peace provide us with a steady grip by which we can stand on God’s Word, on His promises, and resist the attacks of the enemy.
Matthew 11:29 instructs is to go to God when we are are weary and burdened, and He will give us rest. I am so grateful for our church and the powerful, Holy Spirit filled services that we can be a part of. As I knelt at the altar that evening, I felt the holes being filled and my peace begin to to return. My Pastor Vernon Jacob always says: “Alterations take place at the Altar”.
I was certainly not demonstrating Godliness nor Peace when I lost my cool on Wednesday. But I still felt completely justified in doing so. Thankfully by Thursday morning God had dealt with me and I awoke with remorse clinging to me like a bad hangover. My peace was finally restored when I called the guy and apologized for my rant. His poor service was not something I could control, but i was completely accountable for my reaction.
In hindsight, I am grateful for this battle that I endured, for I have come out the other side stronger, wiser and more aware having drawn closer to God and allowing the Holy Spirit to guide me through the process. Most importantly, I pray that by sharing my story, that you too may be encouraged, knowing that we all encounter struggles, that we need to look beyond the physical and understand the spiritual forces at work, begin to use our God-given armour and learn to trust in God for the outcome.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28
I will leave you with this beautiful song of surrender which always reminds me that even in my weakness, I serve a God who loves me, just as I am… may you be blessed!
I have also included a link below to the discussion I had with Malungi on Highway Radio around this post with some additional thoughts… enjoy!
